In Our Home

I spent too many years trying to be perfect. The perfect wife and mother who lived in the perfect house. I did a great job fooling everyone around me, including myself. It was exhausting and deep down, I didn't know true happiness. Striving for this idea of perfection was a big piece of what led to such dark depression for me. I was trying to be someone I could not be and I began to believe the lie that "I am not enough".

Today, I see things differently. I work hard. I run from point A to point B and often make a stop at point C and/or D. I cook great meals some nights and eat grilled cheese other nights. My house is not always spotless but it's usually straightened. Sometimes I feel guilty because I choose to avoid the vacuum. But most of the time I don't really care. And I'm fine with that.

I like being with my family. I like being in the present moment and not following the kids through the house cleaning up whatever they leave behind. I even admit to sitting in bed to watch HGTV and I love every minute of it.

I've come a long way. And it's come at a cost. I've gained a lot of weight. This is definitely a struggle for me but the self inflicted prison I was in to maintain my "perfect" smaller self is NOT worth it. I no longer workout 2 hrs a day, 6 days a week. Instead of resenting the food I couldn't eat, followed by the guilt for eating said food that only went away when I punished myself with more exercise....I try to eat healthier in general. Some days are better than others. I exercise 4 to 5 times a week. Right now, that's all I'm willing to do. I will not go back to that unhealthy cycle, just to wear a smaller size.

I may wear bigger jeans today but without a doubt I'm a better mom, girlfriend, daughter, friend, employee, (you get the picture). I'm so much happier with the face I see in the mirror. I've learned what I'm capable of. I've learned that I was missing out on so much when I was so preoccupied with trying to get it ALL right. Today, I love finding reasons to laugh. And I see mistakes as lessons to be learned.

I am who I am. I want my kids to be who they are. I want them to do their best and have fun along the way. I want the people in their lives to accept all of them. Who won't try to change them.

For Christmas, my 9 yr old daughter gave me the sign that is pictured above. I love that she was able to read the message and know it would be something I would want to hang in my house.

We are all a work in progress. We can always try to be better but let's not fall into the trap of chasing perfection. You won't believe how good it feels to finally let go of all the unrealistic expectations.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


  1. Anonymous, I got the notification of your comment and I was able to read it but I don't see it on the actual post. I wanted to let you know I really appreciate your kind words and I hope you continue to enjoy Java Talk.

  2. I am so proud of the person you have become... And I love the sign!


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