I'm going to have to work HARD for this...

I've been very open and honest with my struggles with depression.  Now I'm going to be open and honest with another very real struggle in my life.  My weight.  I know, this is something most women struggle with, I am no exception.

I'm very frustrated with myself right now.  A year ago, my body was completely different.  Tight, toned and several sizes smaller.  Now I hardly exercise, I enjoy my food too much and the proof is in how I look these days.  I have control over these things and yet, I can't seem to get motivated enough to make the changes I need to make.  I've done this before...I lost 72 lbs and kept it off for 8 yrs!  I can do this.

This time, I have a few obstacles I didn't face the first time I lost the weight.  In our culture today, these are very common.  1.  I work full time.  2.  Some of the medications I take to help with my depression and anxiety are known to cause weight gain.  and 3. I work in a Food Store with access to all foods at all times.

I feel tired and overwhelmed at doing what I KNOW needs to be done.  I feel resentful at having to pass up on some of the yummy treats that I've reintroduced into my "diet".  Whats really annoying is that the few times that I've recently attempted to watch what I eat, I swear I have gained weight.

Okay, that's why I don't want to do what I need to do.  Here's why I need to get my butt in gear and do the work to lose some of this weight I've "found".  1.  My clothes will fit much better.  2.  I'll be active again and will feel so much better (I can remember those days fondly and I want that good feeling back).  3.  I will be much healthier.  And, 4.  I will be setting a better example for my children about exercise and a healthy relationship with food.

So the benefits of doing the work will definitely outweigh the obstacles.  But to get to the place where I'm ready to do what it takes to "get er done"...I'm working on it.  One choice at a time, right?  I'm gonna need all the encouragement I can get with this battle.  Let me know if you are in the same boat, maybe it will help knowing I'm not going through this alone.


Sleep Deprivation

We've all suffered at some point from lack of sleep.  There are so many reasons why we may lose out on the appropriate hours in Snoozeville.  First things that come to my mind are...you have a baby (I'm so glad those days are behind me) and stress.  

Last night was a case of stress for me.  At some point I woke up and realized that this week, I have the kiddos.  I have training all week (an hour away from home).  And I am responsible for getting them off to school at about twenty mins after I have to leave for training.   In my defense, I want to state that I knew all these things, I just didn't connect the dots and see the problem until sometime during the night.  Which was a mixed blessing.  On one hand I'm so glad that I realized the situation before Monday morning.  On the other hand, my head was spinning and I couldn't do a thing about it because the rest of the world was asleep.

Knowing I couldn't solve anything during the night, helped me fall asleep repeatedly, it just didn't keep me in LaLa Land.  Of course, the ancient dog peeing in my room didn't help either...

So I made it through the night.  I spoke to some great friends.  So there is a plan now in place to get both Mini's off to the appropriate school building at the right time.  Last night was very frustrating.  And of course, the lack of sleep doesn't help me much today.  But it is all a part of this game we call Life.  

What are some of the things that keep you up at night?  Anything other than babies, stress and old pets?


Rocking the Craigslist!

So I admitted last week that I am addicted to Craigslist.  I have gotten some great deals on really cool stuff.  Yesterday, I decided to flip the coin and try to sell on Craigslist.  This way I can earn a little money back and get rid of some of my old stuff at the same time.  Genius!

I downloaded the Craigslist App to my phone and cannot believe how easy it is to post an Ad to sell things I don't need or want anymore.  Just a few clicks and a picture.   Its great!  I posted four Ads, and I have had inquiries on all four items.  I even sold one of the items already.  Sold, as in its already gone.  I am so excited about my new adventure into Craigslist.  It's almost as fun to sell as it is to buy.   I only caution that you don't leave anything at my house or else it may be posted for sale the next day, haha.


Too Close to Home

I have been very real with my struggles with depression.  I've talked about the darkness that is all consuming. I've shared about not wanting to live another moment.  And I've expressed how thankful I am that I made it through to the other side, where there is hope and happiness again.

This weekend, my family suffered a great loss.  One of my younger cousins died.  My heart hurts so much for his wife, his son, his sister and mother.  The rest of our family is feeling his loss as well.  Its just not supposed to happen to someone so young.  Someone who worked so hard to turn his life around.  In experiencing this loss, something really hard has hit home for me.

I want to be very careful and not make this about ME.  But ever since I heard this tragic news and it began to sink in, I cannot shake this thought.  I've realized how many people I would have hurt if I had succeeded in taking my own life.  In my depression, I truly believed people were better off without me.  Today, with the depression behind me, I can see how many people would be hurting for a long time, just as people are hurting over the loss of my cousin.  It is scary how close I was to ending my life to ease the constant pain of the moment (weeks to months).  I'm so thankful today that I did not succeed.  I was one of the lucky ones.  It didn't feel like it at the time, but now I know it is true.

The funeral will be very hard.  It will be overwhelming to see one of my loved ones gone from this world.  I will miss the man he became and I will miss the man he never had the chance to be.  Life goes on and with time, the pain will lessen but there will always be a hole when we get together for family functions.  One of us will be missing.  As we've grown up and gotten busy with our own lives, its been too easy to only see each other for the holidays.  But it is times like this when we gather around each other and remember the power of family.  I'm so sorry he is gone.  Please pray for our family as we prepare to say goodbye.    


Project Complete!

This is what the front of my new desk looked like.

This is the back of what my new desk looked like.

This is what my new desk looks like now that I have finished my project.

Craigslist has been very good to me so far.  I had a great time refinishing this desk to make it perfect for my home.  This is my new desk and it cost me $40 plus a quart of paint.  What a fun experience.  And I will have the joy of seeing this desk in my living room and knowing that I took an old, half stripped desk and made it look like new.  I wonder what I will find to refinish next?


My New Addiction

I briefly made mention of this in my last post.  But its becoming a real problem.  I am addicted to Craigslist. It fascinates me to see what people are selling and for what cost.  Mostly I am in interested in furniture.  I don't need much for my house but I'm looking for a few items.  I still need a night stand, a book case and a dresser.  This is where my addiction started. 

Now I find myself refreshing my search throughout every day.  Its so much fun to see the new listings.  I get excited when I see a good deal.  So far, I've scored a kitten, a desk, two chairs and one antique sewing machine. All for a grand total of $65.00!

I love the idea finding a good piece of old furniture.  I get excited when I see the possibilities...of a good deal, of a refinishing project, of something new for my house...

I have not ventured into the world of selling my own things.  But I've already begun thinking about what I can post online when I get the nerve to tackle this new to me side of Craigslist.  I know I won't make much money by selling anything on Craigslist but I will make a few bucks and make room for the next new find.


New Project

I have got my hands on a new project. I'm doing something I've never done before. And I'm so excited about it. 

I bought a desk for myself off of Craigslist (my newest addiction). This desk was partially stripped when I bought it. So I am busy sanding away and preparing to paint the desk to match my living room. 

I have friends lending me power tools and my Dad giving me hands on advice. And I'm loving every minute of it. I've always enjoyed creating things with my hands and this is no different. Watching the desk transform before my eyes to be what I envision makes me almost giddy.  I'll be working hard this week to finish it up. Pictures will follow. Have you ever refinished a piece of furniture?

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